A Modern Gal’s Guide to the Mikvah
Marion Haberman is a writer and content creator for her YouTube/MyJewishMommyLife Channel and Instagram @MyJewishMommyLife page where she shares ideas for living a meaning-FULL Jewish family life. She is the author of Expecting Jewish, a book on Judaism and pregnancy published Fall 2019. Learn more on her website.
The doctrine of self-love and self-care may be a trendy concept lately, but Judaism’s been preaching it since ancient history. The Spiritual Spa as I like to call it, or the mikvah as it is more traditionally known, is what I consider the Jewish equivalent of a yoga retreat. Though many women don’t know what this ritual bath is all about, it is one of the most uniquely physical and powerful transformative opportunities for reflection and prayer.
The blessing of the mikvah first came into my life a few years ago when I lost my first pregnancy in my second trimester. I was desperately looking for healing and a mourning ritual and Rabbi Shira Stutman, Senior Rabbi at Sixth and I Synagogue in Washington D.C. suggested I try the mikvah. I was terrified.
The mikvah is a bath used since ancient times in Judaism for ritual immersions. Women and men use the physical nature of the mikvah waters to pray and to find a spiritual cleanliness and holiness.
There are aspects of Judaism that have been specially created and curated for women. Often synched up to the miraculous cycle of women’s bodies, like the celebration of Rosh Chodesh at the beginning of each new lunar month of the Hebrew calendar, these traditions are less well known and less well written about than others.
Many aspects of Jewish culture have been codified by male scribes and as a result the rich and beautiful female components can be lost to history. This is how the mitzvah of mikvah felt to me, it was something only orthodox women participated in because only they held onto this fringe exercise of belief and it wasn’t for me.
Growing up attending Jewish day school and spending my summers at Jewish sleepaway camp I considered myself a well educated Jewish woman. Yet even with all my formal education and life experience, no one had ever encouraged me to visit the mikvah before, but I am thankful that Rabbi Shira did.
The Mikvah Was Calling Out to Me, But I Was Afraid
I booked my appointment online, but I wasn’t sure if I would actually go through with it. I assumed the ‘mikvah lady’ as I had heard her official title would be, would stand there and judge me for not knowing exactly what to do. I was afraid I wouldn’t prepare my body properly beforehand and be kicked out, I was afraid the water would be dirty and cold and I was afraid it would be something I couldn’t participate in because I’m not religious enough. At the time, my pain was so great that it curbed my social anxiety and I figured whatever happened in there couldn’t put me in a worse frame of mind, so I should give it a try. Plus in the grief cycle I think I was hitting anger so I was ready to have it out with this mysterious ‘mikvah lady’.
Ready to Dip My Toes In
I arrived on the scheduled date and was greeted with a gorgeous spa like atmosphere at the Adas Israel Community Mikvah in Washington D.C. by a truly lovely woman who not only welcomed me but shared her sympathy at my experience. She showed me where everything was, how to prepare for the bath, and there were even cards printed out with blessings and immersion ceremonies specifically tailored to my needs. She then kindly left me alone as I said I did not want a witness for my immersion and I carried on in peace.
Immersing In the Water, Again and Again
The immersion itself was unlike any other Jewish or spiritual experience I had ever taken part in. It is truly a physical ceremony, the nakedness, the flowing warm water, the feeling of total oneness. It doesn’t compare to the type of prayer I was familiar with; standing beside my family, surrounded by a group of kids I went to preschool with, and their families, all wishing it was time for the kiddush lunch already.
My loss wasn’t magically cleansed away that day, but my appreciation for the depth of value Judaism could contribute to my life was immediately changed. In the weeks since my loss I had felt this gaping emptiness where I had expected comfort. Ultimately it was the combined support of the rabbis I confided in as well as the transformative experience of the mikvah that answered that spiritual need for me.
This week I chose to return to Adas and immerse in my ninth month of pregnancy for my second child. I was met by Naomi Malka, the very lovely Mikvah Director there and was once again made to feel comforted and cared for. Every step of the immersion process felt like a component of self care and true spiritual connection for me. With these two personal experiences juxtaposed so distinctly for me - between ending and beginning, life lost and life about to begin, I wanted to share my guide to mikvah. In case you also weren’t let in on this magical and transformative component of Judaism.
This time around I eagerly looked forward to my date at the mikvah, I counted down the days because I knew it meant the baby was coming soon. As soon as I sunk beneath the water completely my baby began to kick. I’m sure he could sense the weightless sensation of the experience as well as my own emotions changing as I immersed. I’m grateful to have reached this momentous day right on the precipice of birth, and to be part of a tradition that enables me to honor it in this way.
So take it from this modern gal, the mikvah is the Spiritual Spa we all could use. Whether you’re celebrating a milestone or just want to take a moment to find quiet and an avenue for prayer you may not have explored before, I encourage you to revisit the conceptions you may have about the ritual bath and visit one near you.