6 Steps to Build Confidence in Creating Community
By: Nicole Nowparvar LCSW + Life Coach
Nicole Nowparvar is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Life Coach. She helps people in their 20’s and 30’s move through life transitions with confidence and grace. She is also the Co-Founder and Executive Director of Chaya Community- a sacred space for Jewish Iranians to experience meaningful connection and deepen their self-expression. For questions on how to build community or counseling email her at NicoleNowparvar@gmail.com.
She plopped on my coach with frustration and tears in her eyes. “Why is it so hard for me to put myself out there? I feel paralyzed at the thought of creating my own community but I’m so sick of not feeling seen by my friends and family.”
As a psychotherapist and community builder, I see clients often who move to a new city or have simply outgrown their social circles, looking for deeper connections and meaningful experiences.
As a Jewish people, it is believed that the individual's life source comes from their community and so, according to Hillel, to be split from one's community is to be split from their life source.
“To be split from one’s community is to be split from their life source. ”
In 2014, I co-founded Chaya - a community of Jewish Iranians to experience meaningful connection and deepen their self-expression. The term, Chaya, is rooted in mystical Judaism. According to Kabbalah, the Jewish soul has five levels and the fourth highest one is named Chaya, the level of the soul that functions to uplift one's community.
Having built a community of over 5,000 people myself in the past few years and being surrounded with other sacred-gathering creators, I’ve learned some mindset and tips on how to step out of smallness and into confidence when building your tribe.
1. Mindset
You might be hesitant to start your own circle because you think the world is over-saturated with speakers or facilitators, but the truth is, in a world with over seven billion people; nobody is able to communicate and express themselves the way you do and I promise you, there is a group of people waiting for your message! So apologize to yourself for buying into the misbelief that you aren’t good enough to do this and accept the TRUTH: the world needs you in full self-expression!
2. Clarity: What You’re Inspired By vs. What You’re Good At.
Grab a piece of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle. On the left side, write a list of what inspires you and on the right side write a list of things you are good at. (Examples: tarot card reading, interior design, spirituality, personal development, yoga, frisbee, body movement, healing, laughter, art, administrative tasks, law, business, graphic design, organizing, social justice, social media, or communication skills.) Start to combine items from the left and right side of your sheet to create your unique mission and shared values for your tribe. Are you a lawyer looking for spiritual connection? Maybe you use your analytical skills to run a meditation and wellness center. Are you a writer and enjoy tarot cards? Maybe you create an IG platform with daily tarot card readings written by you.
3. Experiment with Social Media Platforms.
Some people prefer writing, others prefer audio, while some prefer cinematography and visuals. Especially in the wake of social distancing, virtual platforms are being used more than ever to create community and can be a wonderful baby step to in-person gatherings. Start experimenting by contributing to different platforms and noticing which ones you enjoy most. It could be writing an article for your growing email list or one of your favorite online websites, being a guest speaker or starting your own podcast, doing a story takeover on someone else’s Instagram account with a similar mission or audience, starting your own Instagram or attending zoom events that are interesting to you and sending a message in the chatroom to see if anyone wants to do a deeper dive on what they are learning with you. The goal is to create valuable content for free or to start to build rapport with your future circle.
4. Have A Casual Gathering In Your Living Room.
We are screwing ourselves over if we think we have to jump from 0 to 5,000 people in our tribe overnight. Maybe you enjoy more intimate gatherings and cap your circle at 4-5 people. Maybe you are looking for a gathering of 50 people. Whatever your goal may be based on your mission or values: I recommend starting in the comfort of your home. My first event was 10 people sitting around my dining room table and now I’m doing events with 300+ attendees. Feel free to experiment with sizes as you evolve but there’s something undeniably fun about starting small. Send out an email, text, or DM to people who you think may share the same values as you and begin connecting in person!
5. What Do I Need For An In Person Event?
It’s up to you to set up your vibes: wine, tea, finger food, or a nourishing meal. Flowers, candles, or neither. Suggested donation, free event or ticket fee. It’s up to you: pick what feels inspiring and beautiful to you. Don’t forget to include your date, address, start time and end time. What’s most important is your content. Research shows connection happens when we are courageous: meaning we show up vulnerably with our whole hearts. The best way to create connection is to pick 3-4 questions to ask your tribe based on a topic that is meaningful to you and allow each person to share. Feel free to sprinkle in your own experiences or expertise and VOILA! Your event will be a fulfilling and overflowing success. If you want to add additional value to your circle, you can research content online, gather your favorite materials, quotes, articles, video clips, etc. Up to you!
6. Grow!
Ask your attendees to nominate future tribe members by sending you their information or continue to foster your core people. Keep expressing your message online and step into the EMPOWERED bad-ass leader your soul knows you are.