Healing Amidst Trauma: Caring for the Soul Through a Jewish Lens
By Judy Gerstenblith
Judy Gerstenblith is a counseling psychology doctoral student at the University of Maryland. She serves as the Director of Bridging Emotional and Spiritual Support and as a care provider at RUACH: Emotional and Spiritual Support and as a therapist at the Maryland Psychotherapy Clinic and Research Lab and the Eating Recovery Center. Judy’s clinical and research interests include therapist training, the process of therapy for religious/spiritual clients, the impact of clinical supervision on client outcome, the role of attachment in the therapeutic relationship, and the ways in which therapists work with dreams and meaning in life in psychotherapy.
COVID-19 has flipped the world on its head, and most of us are still in shock as we try to make sense of our new reality. We feel a pervasive lack of control and a deep sense of grief for those who are dying, our pre-pandemic life, and the loss of future events. And on top of everything, the ways we typically cope in times of distress - clinging to our normal routine, hugging our loved ones, and gathering physically with our communities - are unavailable to us.
This virus is causing an unprecedented psychological toll around the globe, as we are experiencing collective trauma. We need to take intentional steps to ensure our physical, emotional, and spiritual safety and stability. As a Jewish therapist, inspired by my past experiences working at a psychiatric hospital on an inpatient trauma disorders unit, I would like to offer five tips to cope with trauma so that we may feel increased safety and stability.
1. Reflect Inward/Histaklut Pnimit
Too often we operate on a mechanical level devoid of self-awareness. During the pandemic, how often have you checked in with yourself: What do I need right now, in this moment? Does my body need nourishment? Do my eyes need a break from the screen? Does my soul need fresh air? If the answer is “not often,” that is understandable. Avoidance protects us from feeling uncomfortable emotions. But, it also prevents us from being able to understand ourselves and cope with those emotions in a healthy way.
That is why Judaism teaches that it is important to reflect daily through tefilah, prayer. And, during certain times, there is even more emphasis on looking inward. For example, during the month leading up to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we conduct cheshbon hanefesh, an accounting of the soul.
How do we reflect inward? There are many ways, including but not limited to praying, meditating, journaling, creating art, or talking to someone we trust.
2. Cultivate Self-Compassion/Yetzirat Chemla Atzmit
We are quick to judge ourselves, especially when we do not meet our own expectations. At this time, we may be feeling especially behind or feeling an acute sense of failure. We might think that beating ourselves up will help us turn our lives around, that being perfectionistic will make us perfect. But being self-critical often leads to a spiral of self-assault instead of self-motivation.
In place of self-criticism, we can have self-compassion. Indeed, Judaism calls for shmirat hanefesh, the guarding of, or caring for, the soul. We have a religious imperative to treat our bodies and our souls with care and compassion.
This means we should feel moved by our suffering and respond with kindness, as we recognize that imperfection is part of the shared human experience. We can tell ourselves, “This is really hard right now. It’s okay that I am struggling,” “It makes sense that I am having a hard time focusing on this project,” or “I still have value even though I am moving at a slower pace.”
3. Connect with Others/Yetzirat Kesher Im Acheirim
Sometimes when we feel down, we withdraw. We are afraid to expose ourselves and burden others. Perhaps most significantly, we fear that others will not understand our suffering. Despite physical distancing and quarantine practices it is more important than ever to connect. As humans, we have an instinctual and evolutionary desire to connect, and our health, in large part, depends on our ability to be in relationship with others.
From the beginning of our Biblical creation story, we learn that it is not good for humans to be alone. We are called the “People of Israel” and the “Nation of Israel” because our peoplehood is one of our defining characteristics. In fact, our tradition obligates us to engage with our community.
So even though we cannot physically connect with others in the ways we would like, we can and must do so emotionally and spiritually. When did you last connect with another human being in a deep way? Perhaps you can find ways to connect with your family, friends, and greater community, through a physically-distanced walk in the park, virtual dinner, game night, or meaningful religious program.
4. Create Structure and Boundaries/Hatzavat Gvulot Veyetzirat Luach Zmanim
We are living with a lack of predictability in the external world. This might make us feel confused, scared, or powerless. Now, more than ever, when the external world is in chaos, we need internal stability. It is important to focus on our internal capacity to organize our lives by setting a structure with boundaries.
In Judaism, making something holy means setting it aside, distinguishing it from the rest. The first commandment to the Jewish people involved establishing our own calendar. In other words, our months and festivals do not simply happen; we must make them happen through our mastery of time.
Creating a schedule involves having consistent cycles of sleeping and eating, moving our bodies, and scheduling time for work and play. So ask yourself: Do I need to focus on getting one more hour of sleep? Am I sitting in the same spot every day, all day long? Am I taking time to be with others and taking time to be with myself?
5. Strengthen Purpose/Chizuk Hamashmaut
It is natural to question our purpose when our lives are disrupted. Perhaps you are now working part-time instead of full-time or you were laid off completely. Maybe you need to retire prematurely because you are immunocompromised or you cannot keep up with the new technological demands of your job. Perhaps it is currently impossible to engage in your favorite hobby or volunteer work. Are you left wondering: What am I doing with my life? Why do I even exist? Right now, we are forced to face our mortality and reconsider our understanding of ourselves and the world. As a result, we may need to construct a new narrative. In fact, this is a profound opportunity to reassess our purpose.
Jewish tradition teaches that we are each created intentionally, for a specific purpose. Our sages teach that one life is equivalent to the whole world, and that we must understand that the world was created for our individual sake. When we infuse our world with Torah, in whatever way that may be, and when we infuse our world with our own mark, we not only strengthen our purpose but we also lift up the world.
It is important to remember that we can find purpose in small-scale activities as well as larger ones. You have purpose even if you are not the scientist to invent a vaccine for coronavirus or the medical professional who saves a person’s life by intubating them. Maybe your purpose involves being present for a friend, caring for a pet, writing letters to those who are struggling, volunteering to make calls to those who are physically isolated, leading a workshop on resilience for your community, or finding innovative ways of continuing to do your important work. What gives you purpose?
Above all, remember that seeking help to accomplish any of these tips is a sign of strength. RUACH: Emotional and Spiritual Support is here for you. Sign up for free, supportive care and visit our website for more information.