The Natural Ebb & Flow of Well Circles
By Sarah Persitz
Sarah Persitz is a spiritual coach, using ancient wisdom and sacred practices to support women on the path of exploration, discovery and healing. Follow her on IG @goldasf. www.omanutcollective.com
Inspired by my past experiences with At The Well and a previous Well Circle, I was compelled to build a new Circle in Israel two and a half years ago. Entering into that process I felt like it was really important to invite women, not just into the experience, but the co-creation of the container itself. What rituals felt important to bring in? What norms or agreements did we want to set? How would we continue to nurture and nourish this space together going forward? We opened a thoughtful discussion on these questions and more from our very first gathering, allowing the answers to reveal themselves as we continued to gather month to month.
Our group was unique in that it brought together a mix of women—some of whom knew At The Well personally, having been involved in early Well Circles in San Francisco, and others who were hearing about Rosh Chodesh and this incredible organization that was reigniting this ritual for the first time. As we began to gather month by month, continuing into the early days of the pandemic, we developed clarity on the agreements we were ready to make as a group, agreeing to close the Circle to new women going forward in an effort to allow for an even deeper level of vulnerability and trust within our monthly gatherings. We also made the agreement that we would revisit the question of bringing new women in six months later.
Weathering the pandemic together, we navigated our way through online and offline gatherings, meeting outside or offering hybrid models when necessary in an effort to allow for the greatest level of participation through one of the most challenging times for the collective. We shared weddings, heartbreak, the birth of new life, and inevitably, the ebb and flow of life in a city that meant every so often someone would move, inevitably leaving the Circle as part of that transition.
After the departure of a few of our founding women, we came together as a group to discuss the question of inviting new women in. We agreed that while we still had a strong core, we were ready for some new energy, recognizing that with a smaller group, if even one person was missing, it felt like a completely different experience. So we committed to grow our Circle, and as we’d done at the very beginning, we made some agreements on how to do it.
Part of what made our Circle feel so sacred was the deep level of commitment and shared responsibility felt throughout the group. Each of us felt a sense of ownership in this shared space of co-creation. We prioritized gathering each month, allowing ourselves to step in with the courage to be seen and the willingness to be vulnerable. As we sought to grow our Circle we agreed that it would be really important to share this ethos with the women we were inviting in, sharing that if they decided to join, we would hope for the same courage from them in time.
We also agreed that before inviting women in, we would share their name within the group – not to discuss or gossip – but simply to allow any woman the opportunity to object in private with no explanation, if needed. While we never had an objection, I think that agreement helped ensure that the existing women in the group felt safe to invite others into what had become a sacred space for connection.
Finally, as we invited new women in, we allowed their first Circle to be a tool for education, offering background and explanation for why we’d chosen certain rituals and norms, and the values that informed those choices. We wanted to make sure that in inviting these women in, we gave them the knowledge to step in with ease. By offering context and intention with the invitation to bring in their own creative gifts, we allowed space for them to step in not as participants, but as partners in the act of co-creation.
Each time we opened our Circle, we invited incredible women in, each bringing their own unique perspectives and gifts, adding new energy to the Circle itself, but also to the women who were so invested in the continuation of this sacred space that nourished us each month. By bringing new women into the container we’d built, there was this sense of being reinvigorated as that container continued to expand and evolve based on the new energy coming into it. Again, when I left Israel just a few months ago, the Circle decided to invite new women in as part of the continual ebb and flow of co-creation and evolution. While I am no longer there to witness and support the process, I am so grateful to know that this Circle continues to thrive through each iteration, offering a place of meaningful connection, reflection and support to the women who step into these rituals and the practice of Rosh Chodesh.
Ultimately, there is no right or wrong way to think about growing or maintaining your Circle. Rather, the most important thing is to maintain an open dialogue so that just like the Circle itself, every member can play a role and have a voice in the process.