Return to Self: A Forgiveness Meditation
By Amanda Davidowitz
Amanda Davidowitz (she/her) is a spiritual explorer, yoga nerd and personal growth enthusiast. She loves to combine positive psychology, yoga, and other mindfulness practices with Jewish traditions in order to create new, meaningful rituals and experiences. Amanda studied yoga at both the Kripalu School of Yoga and Yoga for All and is a certified positive psychology coach. To learn more about her classes and offerings visit her website or find her on Instagram and Facebook.
Our Jewish tradition encourages us during the high holidays to take part in Teshuva. The word “Teshuva” is often translated as “repentance,” but literally means “to return.” In essence, Teshuva is an opportunity to return to Self - to return to your values, beliefs, goals, or community; to return to joy and wellbeing. This is an invitation to re-align yourself with the way you would like to show up in the world.
The ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are often referred to as the Days of Awe and are a popular time for Teshuva and repentance. However, Teshuva is a spiritual practice that can be done any time of the year and the month of Elul is an auspicious time to do so. The spiritual spaciousness of Elul offers us time to re-center and do this deep, personal work prior to the jam-packed intensity of Tishrei.
Teshuva usually refers to the act of acknowledging mistakes and choosing to change for the better. You have a chance during Elul to begin this process and set intentions for the high holidays and new year. I find it helpful to have a guide for how to do something as potentially daunting as Teshuva. The framework below is simple and effective whether you are working with something external, such as hurting a friend, or more internal, such as negative self-talk.
This process is not about guilt, begging for forgiveness, or beating yourself up - it is simply about acknowledging where and when you’ve strayed and then choosing to return to your path. Returning to your divine self can be a joyful process of letting go - an opportunity to acknowledge and move beyond your sources of fear, guilt, shame, or regret.
You may choose to revisit your notes from this activity to do more Teshuva throughout Elul or next month in the time between our two major holidays. You can use this exercise as a starting point to do Teshuva any way that works for you – ex. meditation, journaling, calling people up, praying. Remember, there is no “right way” to do Teshuva! Discover what is most meaningful for you.
Teshuva 4-Step Framework Activity
Part A -
Have each person in your circle take out their notebooks and spend about 3-5 minutes brainstorming a ‘Teshuva to-do list’. Here is some guidance:
List mistakes or missteps you made (times when you hurt others or yourself, acted against your core values or beliefs, missed an opportunity to improve the world or help others in need, etc.) this past year.
Consider relationships with others, with yourself, with the Divine.
This isn’t about beating yourself up or judging yourself – If you get stuck in cycles of shame or guilt when considering mistakes, it can be difficult to feel empowered to move forward or create change.
By being honest, sincere, and compassionate in this process you can set yourself up for positive growth.
Part B - Teshuva 4-Step Framework:
Invite everyone to choose just one item from their list and explore it using the following 4-step framework for Teshuva (individual journal exercise, about 5 minutes):
Step 1 – Name It
The first step is to acknowledge or name the behavior.
Example: “Lately I have been acting rude and hurtful to my partner.”
Step 2 - Acknowledge Impact
The next step is to acknowledge why what you did was wrong, how it is not aligned with your values, or how, if relevant, it negatively affected others.
Example: “I regret snapping at my partner when I was feeling overwhelmed. It's unfair for me to take my frustrations out on them and make them feel bad.”
Step 4 - Create Intention
Now make an intention not to continue or repeat the behavior. This should be done with one or two direct sentences:
Example: “Moving forward I will try not to snap at my partner when I am frustrated or overwhelmed.”
Step 4 - Make a Plan
How will you right your wrong or how will you follow through on your intention not to repeat the mistake? If you have done something that negatively impacted other people, what would it take to make it right? If the misstep was more spiritual or personal, how can you support your intention to change? What is a concrete next step in the right direction?
Example: “I am going to apologize to my partner for having snapped at them so much lately. I will acknowledge that it is not how I would like to behave. The next time I am feeling really frustrated I will pause and take a few deep breaths before accidentally snapping.”
Part C - (Optional)
Discussion in pairs, small groups, or full group for as long as time allows (I suggest at least 10 minutes). Use one or more of the following prompts to guide the conversation:
What came up for you while you explored this Teshuva exercise?
How can you keep an intention of self-compassion and non-judgement as you work on Teshuva?
What does Teshuva mean for you this year?
What are some other ways you might practice Teshuva this month?
Self-Forgiveness Meditation
Designate one person to read aloud to the group:
You are inherently worthy of love and respect, regardless of the mistakes you have made this past year. Through the process of Teshuva, you have or will acknowledge your mistakes and start making plans to right your wrongs. Now, you may turn inward, using self-compassion, to begin to forgive yourself and move forward without carrying unnecessary feelings of guilt and anxiety into this upcoming spiritual year.
Self-compassion is not an individualistic, self-serving pursuit. Self-compassion connects you with others by cultivating feelings of spiritual oneness - we are all human, we all make mistakes and experience suffering. Opening your heart to self-love, self-kindness and self-forgiveness opens it to love and compassion for others as well. It allows you to recognize the humanity, the sameness, in others. It is from this place that you can effectively engage in Tikkun Olam – healing the world.
Designate a leader for the meditation:
At this time, the meditation leader should invite everyone to find a comfortable seated position on a chair, cushion, or the floor. This person should read the following script out loud, slowly and intentionally, and don’t be afraid to pause and create space between sections.
Meditation:
Once you feel settled, you may close your eyes or lower your gaze. Feel supported by the floor or chair beneath you and begin to turn your attention inward. Notice the sensation of the air as it moves in and out of your nostrils.
Begin a mental body scan now, releasing any tension you are holding in your body from your head to your toes. If you reach an area that feels sore or uncomfortable, send feelings of love and gratitude to that place. Your body is amazing. It moves you and supports you every day in everything that you do.
When your scan is complete, bring your attention back to your breath.
Self-forgiveness is an important part of your spiritual work so that you can begin to release shame and guilt and be open to positive change and growth. Take a moment to identify one mistake or misstep from this past year, perhaps the same one that you worked with earlier in the Teshuva exercise, perhaps something else. Really think back to the moment when it occurred - where you were, who you were with, how you felt.
Notice if any physical sensations, emotions, arise in your body, and direct your compassionate and loving breath to those places. Maybe the truth is that you were doing the best you could in that moment, at that time. Maybe the truth is that you were in a lot of pain, or experiencing frustration, or even fear, and you made a poor choice. Maybe the truth is that you’ve learned from the experience and you’re not the same person now that you were then.
When we cause harm to ourselves or others, it is often because of internal suffering that we have yet to fully acknowledge. Can you lovingly turn towards the wounded parts of yourself, and begin to open to acceptance and healing?
Place your hands on your body in a way that feels comforting to you and take a few moments now to repeat the following mantra, either in your head or out loud. The recipient of this mantra is yourself, who sometimes makes mistakes - “You did the best you could, with the awareness that you had. I love you.”
Let’s all take a few breaths together now - loudly releasing whatever it is from this past year that you would like to let go of. First, exhale completely - then inhale, nice and deep, filling your lungs - pause at the top - and now exhale with a loud sigh through your mouth. Take one or two more deep breaths, releasing and letting go as you exhale. When you are ready, open your eyes.
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