What I Learned From My Jewish Grandmothers: Lessons From Bubbe
By Dara Kurtz
Dara Kurtz is the creator of the popular blog crazyperfectlife.com and author of I am My Mother’s Daughter: Wisdom on Life, Loss, and Love, a newly released book about the connection between mothers and daughters from one generation to the next. She lives in North Carolina, with her husband and daughters. Receive 5 free gifts when you order her book! Follow Dara on Facebook @crazyperfectlife and on Instagram @crazyperflife.
I was blessed to grow up with a strong sense of family, with both sets of my grandparents playing an important role in my childhood. We would often get together for holidays and family celebrations, long Friday night Shabbat dinners, and conversations around the table. My grandparents were as different as could be, one set coming from Germany, the other from New York and Virginia. These differences didn’t matter. What they had in common was their commitment to our family, traditions, and deep love for their grandchildren.
When I was in high school, both my grandfathers passed away, leaving my grandmothers as widows who lived well into their eighties. I watched my grandmothers navigate their lives without my grandfathers, survive the loss of my Mom, and manage getting older with grace. They taught me many beautiful lessons that are timely and relevant for all of us.
Here are my favorite lessons I learned from my grandmothers:
Remember to Laugh.
Both of my grandmothers had a good sense of humor, and this helped as they navigated the ups and downs of getting older, losing friends, dealing with health issues, and other challenges. Even though they sometimes bickered with one another, they were able to put whatever little spats they were having behind them, eventually laugh about it, and move forward. We spent a lot of family dinners laughing around the table, about anything and everything, and this made being together fun. “You’ve got to maintain your sense of humor,” they often said, “even in challenging situations.”
Establish traditions that connect the past with the present.
I have beautiful family memories, and the traditions my grandmothers worked hard to pass down to me have been shared with my own daughters. Passing down religious objects, customs, heirlooms, recipes, funny stories, and hand written letters is such a beautiful way to connect the past with the present. My grandmothers understood the importance of moving forward while taking the people you have loved and lost with you. As my daughters get older, and have their own families, I know I will be intentional about making sure this continues.
Be proud of your Jewish heritage.
Both of my grandmothers had a strong commitment to their Jewish identity. They felt that education was incredibly important, and made synagogue the focal point of their social lives. Grandma Margaret fled Germany at the hands of the Nazi’s, and lost her parents and in-laws in the Holocaust. She never wavered in her faith, even though I sometimes questioned how she couldn’t be angry at God. We’ve done our best to teach my daughters about their heritage, to feel proud of who they are and where they came from.
You don’t have to go it alone.
My grandmothers were blessed to have other men in their lives after my grandfathers passed away. Grandma Millie got remarried and Grandma Margaret had a “special” friend to travel with. They showed me that even though they loved and missed my grandfathers, having a companion, someone to share life with, was a blessing. Of course, the men in their lives were Jewish, proving you are never too old to find a NJB (Nice Jewish Boy.) They both agreed that getting older was challenging, and that having someone to share life with was a huge blessing.
You must be willing to adapt.
You don’t live into your late eighties without having to face challenges and hard moments. Even though there were situations that brought on sadness, heartbreak, and anxiety, my grandmothers were flexible and able to adapt. The older I get, the more I realize how resilient they were. I try to remind myself of this, when I’m questioning my resolve and life feels heavy. They were “tough as nails,” as my mom used to say, and looking back, they really were able to navigate whatever challenges life tossed their way. They were positive, mentally strong, and willing to soldier on, no matter what.
It wasn’t until I got older that I realized how blessed I was to have both my grandmothers in my life for so long. How I miss the “Golden Girls,” as we used to call them, and the magic that being around them brought. There’s nothing like the unconditional love between a grandmother and her grandchild. As their granddaughter, I feel it is my responsibility to pass on what they taught me to my daughters. We are all connected, one generation to the next, one jewish woman to woman, and I am blessed to be part of their beautiful legacy.